The Note That Wasn’t Played
By Teresa Walding, RN, NC-BC
Something happened recently that left a quiet ache in me. A conversation with someone I deeply respect didn’t go the way I had imagined. Their response stirred something old—a feeling I’ve known before. It wasn’t loud, but it lingered. A little deep hurt. A longing to be understood.
And even with everything I’ve come to see about the nature of thought and experience, even knowing that feelings come from within—not from what anyone else says or does—there it was. Still present. Still asking for my attention.
So I sat with it.
And what came was this question:
If I already knew the truth I wanted others to see… what would I not need from them anymore?
The answer surprised me.
I wouldn’t need them to validate my insights.
I wouldn’t need them to agree with how I show up.
I wouldn’t need their approval to feel whole.
I could honor their work, even if they don’t honor mine.
I could love them unconditionally, knowing their heart is in service—even if their eyes can’t see what I see.
I could forgive myself first—for the judgment I placed on myself, for wondering if I had done something wrong in their eyes.
What they think of me is none of my business.
Even when I want to defend my insight, I know it was given to me.
And I know this: My intentions are pure. I only want to help people suffer less.
But their suffering is not mine to release.
Their insights are not mine to have.
That’s their journey. Their unfolding. Their music.
What I can do is keep playing the note that wasn’t played—not in yesterday’s conversation, but in my own understanding. I can let that note ring clearly, gently, lovingly… trusting that those meant to hear it will.
That’s the power of insight. It frees us not just from pain, but from needing anything outside of us to be okay. It reminds us: We’re always home. We’ve never left.
About the Author:
Teresa Walding, RN, NC-BC, is a board-certified nurse coach, educator, and co-founder of Advancing Nurse Coaching. With over 30 years of experience at the bedside and nearly a decade teaching others how to coach from the inside out, Teresa brings a revolutionary perspective grounded in the Three Principles understanding. She helps nurses, healthcare professionals, and individuals reconnect with their innate health and wisdom—one insight at a time.
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