Presence is the most important variable in any interaction. A busy mind detracts from presence. Presence is being in the now. When you focus on the present moment, you give your client your full attention. Presence has a feeling of connection.
- a single moment
- a single activity
- deep listening
- alignment with the paradigm
- positive regard
- fully in contact with life
- you step into presence
- you notice that you can
Whatever you put your attention on is what you are connecting with. You will notice when you are focusing on understanding the other person. Personal thought automatically falls away. If you are listening with your personal mind, trying to figure it out, you will miss the important clues about where your client is at. It is your job as a coach to help your client figure out where they are outside-in for themselves.
The most loving thing you can do for a person is to help them see the Principles for themselves. Then, as they begin to see the inside-out nature of life, they will start to make the changes that are important to them.
It is not your job to ensure they have insights but to bear witness when they happen. Whether they occur during the coaching session, afterward, or down the road, they will be personal and powerful for your client. They may share them with you or not, but you will know by the changes they make in their lives.
When we are in our thinking, others respond to the feeling of presence. The state of mind that you bring to your conversations has an impact. People can tell when we are present or distracted, even if nothing appears to have changed. When we are present and connected, others respond to that state of mind. Presence allows the other person to feel safe.
We respond to the presence of someone based on the feeling we get when we are in their presence. Therefore, the importance of our own well-being in terms of our impact is based on how comfortable they feel with us.
When you are present, you can really hear what they are trying to say. Not the words they are saying but the deeper meaning beyond the words. Deep listening is not only hearing beyond what they are saying but beyond your personal thinking to hear more deeply. This allows us to ask the exact right questions at the right time in the conversation in the moment. You may even wonder how you knew to ask that question.
The Principles are the most direct way to have less on your mind. Understanding the role that thought plays in our experience gives us a freedom that was not previously there. We begin to sort out what is true and what is not true for us. It subtracts the thinking that no longer serves us. This is how we take thinking off our minds and begin navigating our life easier.
The real “problem” is thinking that your personal thinking is true. People often believe they must pay attention to every thought they have. In reality, that is not true. If we notice that we have a lot of thinking on our minds, we can begin to see how much of it is repetitive thinking with no real purpose; it is a thought habit that is not helpful to us. We begin to drop those thoughts because we have no investment in them, we can watch them go by, and they disappear on their own; nothing happens unless we put our attention on them. If we do put our attention on them, they come to life right before our eyes. This is how thoughts turn into our experience of life.
Impact in coaching is benefitted when you notice that you have less on your mind. By dropping thoughts that no longer serve you, you get out of your intellect and become present to a space that you can hold for someone else. In this space, people begin to have insights. You don’t have to help people find this space; they will find it themselves as they become present.